20 Mar As a sunflower
I was born in Portugal and I was raised between Italy and Portugal.
School, though, was in Italy, in this northern industrial city near by a lake and the mountains. Back in the 80s/90s, in my class I was one of the few kid born abroad. I remember when the teacher at the beginning of the year, called everyones name to get to know them, they were always asking me about my roots. I was an introvert girl at that time, so I never liked the attention. Made me feel so different from everyone else’s. And it always brought up a discussion, ‘cause I swear so many adults never knew where Portugal was. They thought it was Spain. OMG!!! Let alone the kids, if adults didn’t know, how did the youngster would have known?
I remember traveling when back in the days, low cost airplanes company didn’t even existed. We were usually abroad 3 times per year. During the main 2 holidays, Christmas and Easter, and all summer. If we didn’t have any final exams, we would leave before the end of school sometimes. Of course all agreed with the teachers before. At age 14, my dad sent me by myself to Ireland to spend 2 months in a host family he had previously found for me to stay with. I spent summer by going to school to learn English. When he first told me, I was so angry, I didn’t want to go. I wanted to spend one summer with my friends at home. Later that summer, when I had to come back home, I cried leaving Ireland behind.
During my stay there, I noticed that most of the others students like me, were in organized groups and always hang out together. But there were a few lonely travelers as me. I ended up getting to know different cultures by being friends with other nationalities. I had to practice my English otherwise we couldn’t communicate.
Looking back, I now realized that I was the black sheep, the outsider. Rules, which were dictated to box you up in a category, didn’t really applied to me.
My family was never a family like the other ones I compared my youth with. And in some ways, at that time, I just wanted to be like the others. I wanted to be part of a pack, but instead I was alone juggling from one place to the other, from a group of friends and another group of friends. I felt not belonging to anything. I felt different already by being born in another country. But at the same time, I experienced soooo much more than the rest of people whom never traveled, never left their 50 km radius.
I was already understanding and speaking 3/4 languages by age 15. From my family I inherited the passion of traveling, the flair for different languages and the easiness to melt with other diverse cultures. This is the greatest gift my parents gave me, beside their love and support through out my all life. I am the lucky one.
It all took me where I am right now. It all made me the woman I am now. Of course, we all integrate the programming we receive in our own way. I made my itegration in the best possible way. When I felt I was ready to be on the move, I just went for it. I was so used to be going all places, I though I would never stop or end up somewhere far far away from Europe.
Certainly it helped me a lot to be flexible and adaptable to all kind of situations. I think I have been a mediator all my life. I do empathize a lot with everything and everyone around me. With time, I settled down. I did found my place in this world. As I always say, in life you never know. What I now sense very strongly, is that being different from whatever programming you are surrounded by, it’s your strength. Don’t let anyone dictate who you are. Allow yourself to be the person you want to be and then change if it doesn’t suit you anymore. Be grateful for the ones who came before you. Be kind to your family. They did the best they could with what little they knew. Maybe you were not so lucky in the traveling department, but I’m sure you were the luckiest one on something else. My story is just my story. What’s yours? How did you become who you are? Are you using it as an excuse to keep being who you are even if you don’t like where you are in life right now?
We can always deactivate old programmings and activate the newer versions to uplift ourselves, to be the best possible version. It takes courage. It takes time. It takes a lot of forgiveness, compassion and mostly, love, to all parts of ourselves. But it is the most important journey you will ever experience.
Did I felt lonely sometimes? Yes. We all did. But you are not! I refuse to stop believing in a greater future for me and for all of you. Healing myself is the change I’m going to reflect onto others.
Spread light always! Be like a sunflower! Standing tall and strong to find and shine the light.
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